So i spent probably about three hours talking to Adison tonight. And i just have to tell you it WAS HILARIOUS!
I will fill you all in about it later, its late. NIGHT
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I have to be tough!
SPACE.
Space is something that you don’t really have when you live with someone. And that is something that jake and I don’t really have. Pretty much everyday unless I am at work or we are out I see him. And I mean don’t get me wrong, I love seeing him very much but EVERYDAY I have to pick something up after him. AND I have to come home to find him sitting in this old and falling apart chair playing his video games… He has done nothing ALL day but that.
You would think that he would have SOME kind of drive wanting to do something. But this is my fault because i enable him to do that. I give him everything that he wants. A HOUSE WITH NO RULES, FOOD, INTERNET and i get him anything he pretty much wants.
I HAVE TO STOP IT SO HE WILL GROW UP!!!
SO... because he needs to grow up and we need some space I got my own place.
Eeekkk..
My own place, all for me!
This is so i wont have to clean up after anyone but me, cook for anyone but me, wash only my clothes...
But because i am a good person i am not going to just KICK him out... He will be able to stay with me until he gets on his feet. But i GOTTA give him a time limit.
When i talked to him about it he agreed that we need own space because we get at each others necks. And the good thing is that JUST BECAUSE WE DONT LIVE TOGETHER DOESN'T MEAN WE AREN'T TOGETHER!
This is something that i have to deal with because i had the RETARDED idea that if we dont live together then we are not together. AND that is not the case! :] YAY!
Okay well its 3 in the morning and i am sitting at Denny's blogging... i think that i am going to go home and sleep some.
Space is something that you don’t really have when you live with someone. And that is something that jake and I don’t really have. Pretty much everyday unless I am at work or we are out I see him. And I mean don’t get me wrong, I love seeing him very much but EVERYDAY I have to pick something up after him. AND I have to come home to find him sitting in this old and falling apart chair playing his video games… He has done nothing ALL day but that.
You would think that he would have SOME kind of drive wanting to do something. But this is my fault because i enable him to do that. I give him everything that he wants. A HOUSE WITH NO RULES, FOOD, INTERNET and i get him anything he pretty much wants.
I HAVE TO STOP IT SO HE WILL GROW UP!!!
SO... because he needs to grow up and we need some space I got my own place.
Eeekkk..
My own place, all for me!
This is so i wont have to clean up after anyone but me, cook for anyone but me, wash only my clothes...
But because i am a good person i am not going to just KICK him out... He will be able to stay with me until he gets on his feet. But i GOTTA give him a time limit.
When i talked to him about it he agreed that we need own space because we get at each others necks. And the good thing is that JUST BECAUSE WE DONT LIVE TOGETHER DOESN'T MEAN WE AREN'T TOGETHER!
This is something that i have to deal with because i had the RETARDED idea that if we dont live together then we are not together. AND that is not the case! :] YAY!
Okay well its 3 in the morning and i am sitting at Denny's blogging... i think that i am going to go home and sleep some.
Monday, September 8, 2008
JACOB LEE JESSIE
Everyday I fall more and more in love with this guy. But I dear NOT tell him that. He seems like the type of guy that will run far, far, FAR away from someone who tells him that. But he is the type of guy that secretly really loves that. He is the type of guy that will NOT OPEN UP for fear of being venerable. He would rather bottle EVERYTHING up and have it eat away at him just so that he would not have to argue. But let me tell you if you shake the bottle too much it will pop. This is the guy that after almost nine months of being together I have finally dipped my toe into the water that is Jake. He has finally started to open up to me. And let me tell you that was one of the best night that we have ever had in my mind. It was 2:30 in the morning and I wanted him to come to bed with me but we all know Jake, I finally just gave up and went to sleep. At 4:30 he came to bed and woke me up, but instead of going back to sleep we stayed up until I had to get up and go to work at 7:45 talking. I was so happy that he was opening up to me that I didn't even care that I was going to die with out any sleep, I just didn't was to pass up the chance of getting to know him even better. He is such a great person under all of that shell. The guy, that after having shity after shity relationships finally can really make me smile. Not just a fake smile but also something that warms me up on the inside. Granted that we do fight, who doesn't that's what makes relationships work. But after ALL OF THE FIGHTING I still know that he does really love me with all his heart. I will never for get the day that I sat in bed crying because of the WORST fight that we had ever had and he came in the room, sat down next to me and told me, "Ashley its gotten to the point that no matter what happens I will love you." I have to say that, that was the most AMAZING thing anyone has ever said to me. Just thinking about that day and EVERYTHING that happened and EVERYTHING that we went through as a couple just kills me still.
That moment I thought that it was done, over, never again. But once again here we are. We got through it ALL. I think the whole time we kind of knew that we would. But we didn't know if either one of us was still willing to try. He told me one time that if we could make it through this (when he didn't have a job and we fought all the time) then we could make it through anything. I TRULY think that he was right. When we had our blow up, that was where it couldn’t have gotten ANY worse. That was our lowest of lows. But yet we made it through. I realized where I had gone wrong. I was being like his mother and not his girlfriend. And I am pretty sure that he didn’t sign up for another mother. [hahah that kind of rhymes] So know that I am being his GIRLFRIEND not his mother things are just getting better and better. I am starting to be truly happy and content with my life. :] its a GREAT FEELING.
Monday, September 1, 2008
9 Months
Well on September 16, Jake and I will have been together for 9 months. Geez, how the time just flies by. I fell like just the other day we were sitting in his car until 5 in the morning just talking, and now 9 months is just around the corner. To me it’s really had to believe. I was sitting at paradise bakery re-evaluating our relationship and just everything that we have been through.
In the last 4 months have really been the hardest.
We have moved out and into our own place and lets talk about the stress. lol Between Jake and I fighting about everything just because I have been overreacting. I was on this little bitch shot called depo and I would make a big deal about EVERYTHING, like the little thing that I normally wouldn't make a big deal about I was FREAKING out and starting a fight about. It was ridiculous. I would get SO mad because I work all day from 8:30 to 6:30 and then I would come home to a house that's all messy and Jake would be there sitting in the front room play Gears or Call of Duty and that's where he had been ALL day and in my mind you would think, " okay my girlfriend worked ALL day maybe I do the dished so that she wont be so stressed when she gets home..." but his mind doesn't work that way.
This is how Jakes day goes:
1. He sleeps until about 1 in the afternoon but it really depends upon how late he stays up the night before. For example he came home the other night from Shannon’s apartment after hanging out with Nick at 4:30ish after telling me that he wouldn’t be out late. That next day he slept until 3:30ish because Katelyn came home from work and he was still sleeping.
2. He will wake up and throw all the sheets all over the bed and not even think to make it. Come straight out to the kitchen and get something to eat. Lets say it is cereal and if that is the case then after about three bowls he will leave his bowl full of milk out on the table.
3. While he is eating breakfast he will be playing either Call of Duty 4 or Gears of War. Witch will continue all through out the day. Of course there are those rare days that he will either hang out with Nick, Mason, or Mike his dad. But NO matter what he will end up back over here at home playing the Xbox.
By the time that I get home he is hungry. And if he is home when I get home then he is on the Xbox Live playing, so I will walk by him and go to the bedroom to change out of my work clothes and as I walk by he will reach out to either touch me or try to smack my ass. That is his way of saying hello, if I get lucky he will ask me how my day was. BUT… if he is in a good mood and not the wrapped up in his games he might get up and come say hello to me.
I got REALLY lucky on Sunday, I was tired from a VERY long day at work and the night before was when he came home at 4:30 so I didn’t see him and he got off the Xbox and came in the bedroom to find me laying in bed trying to nap. Which he decided to join me for a nap even though he couldn’t sleep. (He just laid there for a little over an hour with me while I slept and snuggled) AMAZING!
I will pretty much do nothing after that maybe watch some T.V. or mess around on my computer after that because he is playing STILL. When I start to get hungry I will see if he wants anything to eat and from there is where I decide if I am going to make something or if I am just going to go out and get something.
I know that if I make something then I will have to clean up everything because there is NO WAY IN HELL he will clean up after I cook. So if I cook then the dishes will sit there until I have a chance to clean up.
4. I will cook food because I REALLY don’t want to spend money so he won’t even eat with us. I will ask if he wants me to make him a plate and he ALWAYS says yes so I will and I give it to him and he sets it down right in front of him. He won’t eat it he will let it seat there for about 15 minutes THEN he will eat it. Not only do I have to make him a plate but I ALSO have to clean up after him because he is SO wrapped up in his video games.
5. So finally come around 12ish I am ready for bed and he is still playing. I ask him if he is going to come to bed with me and if I am lucky he will which some times he does but most of the time he will come to bed a hour or so later. Unless Mason is here then he won’t come to be until it is bright outside pretty much.
And who knows what Mason and him do when I am sleeping, I know some of the things but sure as hell don’t want to know all of them.
After the fighting and fighting Jake finally EXPLODED and ripped the bedroom door off its hinges I just wouldn’t sop so we went on a break. And while we were on that lovely little break that he wanted to go on he stayed the WHOLE THREE WEEKS AT SOME GIRLS HOUSE!!!!!!! Even thought I knew her it still wasn’t right.
Okay, so I am not to sure how this whole “re-evaluating” this was going after everything I was thinking about…. I think that I am just gong to stop and put the whole thing back to the back of my mind again for a rainy day. I hate to realize that everything everyone has been telling me is right.
In the last 4 months have really been the hardest.
We have moved out and into our own place and lets talk about the stress. lol Between Jake and I fighting about everything just because I have been overreacting. I was on this little bitch shot called depo and I would make a big deal about EVERYTHING, like the little thing that I normally wouldn't make a big deal about I was FREAKING out and starting a fight about. It was ridiculous. I would get SO mad because I work all day from 8:30 to 6:30 and then I would come home to a house that's all messy and Jake would be there sitting in the front room play Gears or Call of Duty and that's where he had been ALL day and in my mind you would think, " okay my girlfriend worked ALL day maybe I do the dished so that she wont be so stressed when she gets home..." but his mind doesn't work that way.
This is how Jakes day goes:
1. He sleeps until about 1 in the afternoon but it really depends upon how late he stays up the night before. For example he came home the other night from Shannon’s apartment after hanging out with Nick at 4:30ish after telling me that he wouldn’t be out late. That next day he slept until 3:30ish because Katelyn came home from work and he was still sleeping.
2. He will wake up and throw all the sheets all over the bed and not even think to make it. Come straight out to the kitchen and get something to eat. Lets say it is cereal and if that is the case then after about three bowls he will leave his bowl full of milk out on the table.
3. While he is eating breakfast he will be playing either Call of Duty 4 or Gears of War. Witch will continue all through out the day. Of course there are those rare days that he will either hang out with Nick, Mason, or Mike his dad. But NO matter what he will end up back over here at home playing the Xbox.
By the time that I get home he is hungry. And if he is home when I get home then he is on the Xbox Live playing, so I will walk by him and go to the bedroom to change out of my work clothes and as I walk by he will reach out to either touch me or try to smack my ass. That is his way of saying hello, if I get lucky he will ask me how my day was. BUT… if he is in a good mood and not the wrapped up in his games he might get up and come say hello to me.
I got REALLY lucky on Sunday, I was tired from a VERY long day at work and the night before was when he came home at 4:30 so I didn’t see him and he got off the Xbox and came in the bedroom to find me laying in bed trying to nap. Which he decided to join me for a nap even though he couldn’t sleep. (He just laid there for a little over an hour with me while I slept and snuggled) AMAZING!
I will pretty much do nothing after that maybe watch some T.V. or mess around on my computer after that because he is playing STILL. When I start to get hungry I will see if he wants anything to eat and from there is where I decide if I am going to make something or if I am just going to go out and get something.
I know that if I make something then I will have to clean up everything because there is NO WAY IN HELL he will clean up after I cook. So if I cook then the dishes will sit there until I have a chance to clean up.
4. I will cook food because I REALLY don’t want to spend money so he won’t even eat with us. I will ask if he wants me to make him a plate and he ALWAYS says yes so I will and I give it to him and he sets it down right in front of him. He won’t eat it he will let it seat there for about 15 minutes THEN he will eat it. Not only do I have to make him a plate but I ALSO have to clean up after him because he is SO wrapped up in his video games.
5. So finally come around 12ish I am ready for bed and he is still playing. I ask him if he is going to come to bed with me and if I am lucky he will which some times he does but most of the time he will come to bed a hour or so later. Unless Mason is here then he won’t come to be until it is bright outside pretty much.
And who knows what Mason and him do when I am sleeping, I know some of the things but sure as hell don’t want to know all of them.
After the fighting and fighting Jake finally EXPLODED and ripped the bedroom door off its hinges I just wouldn’t sop so we went on a break. And while we were on that lovely little break that he wanted to go on he stayed the WHOLE THREE WEEKS AT SOME GIRLS HOUSE!!!!!!! Even thought I knew her it still wasn’t right.
Okay, so I am not to sure how this whole “re-evaluating” this was going after everything I was thinking about…. I think that I am just gong to stop and put the whole thing back to the back of my mind again for a rainy day. I hate to realize that everything everyone has been telling me is right.
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